For many of us, January feels like the necessary restart after a season of both too much and not enough: too much indulgence in late nights, delicious food, crafty cocktails and lavish spending, and not enough of the things we know help us feel like ourselves again, like cleaner eating, better sleep and exercise.
And woven into the fabric of this reset is a familiar January ritual we start thinking about the moment the ball drops at midnight: resolutions.
“New year, new you!” we’re told. We are not so subtly encouraged to finally fulfill our annual hopes and dreams by joining the gym, taking the medication, downloading the app or hiring the expert who will finally make the difference. And while research consistently shows that most resolutions don’t last past February, many of us still feel a quiet sense of failure if we don’t at least try.
But what if the problem is that even when we do achieve a goal, it never feels like enough?
If you’ve ever worked toward something — a promotion, number on the scale, milestone birthday, book deal, financial security — only to arrive there and feel underwhelmed, let me reassure you: yes, this is normal. And it even has a name.
The Arrival Fallacy
Psychologists call this experience the arrival fallacy, the belief that once we arrive at a specific destination, we’ll finally feel satisfied, happy or complete. I have seen this phenomenon in patients for the last 20 years and experienced it myself when I have arrived at the goalpost. We imagine the moment we hit the goal as a kind of emotional finish line.
Relief. Pride. Contentment.
But when we get there, the feeling is often fleeting or missing altogether. We may even think, “This is good but not what I thought it would be.” That’s because our brains are not wired to sustain satisfaction from achievement alone.
I wrote about the role of dopamine and why achieving goals will never be enough in my book, “This Book Won’t Make You Happy: 8 Keys to Finding True Contentment.” Dopamine is known as the “reward” neurotransmitter, but it actually spikes when we are looking forward to something. It’s released when we’re imagining, planning, striving and progressing. We also see it in the initial phases of getting to the goal.
Once the goal is achieved, though, dopamine begins to wane. The brain quickly recalibrates and says, “That was good. So what’s next?”
This is why the chase can feel more energizing than the catch and why high achievers, in particular, are vulnerable to chronic dissatisfaction. If you’re good at setting goals and accomplishing them, your brain will constantly move the goalposts.
So no, you’re not broken. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do.
Why Goals Alone Aren’t Enough
As I said in my very first segment on TODAY in 2022 that goals are not enough “because most of life is lived between the goalposts.” The majority of our days are ordinary, comprised of small choices, the habits we repeat when no one is watching.
When we over-invest emotionally in outcomes, we often under-invest in the systems that actually support wellbeing: sleep, connection, movement, meaning, rest. We tell ourselves we’ll enjoy life when we get to that goal or afterward, and the buildup often outweighs any joy when we finally arrive.
The good news is there is a way to both achieve the goals but also find contentment in the day-to-day.
This is where habits really matter because they anchor us to the present. They direct us not only to the excitement of what’s next but to the beauty and power found in what’s now.
When we look at the keys to a content and meaningful life, we see that practices such as gratitude, self-compassion, acceptance, connection and deepening relationships actually release other mood-elevating chemicals, such as serotonin and oxytocin. And these sustain feelings of happiness longer than dopamine.
Making these practices a part of our daily lives teaches us not to depend solely on the outcome — finding the partner, landing the job or getting the house — to make us happy. We learn to find happiness on the way to those milestones or even without them.
Balancing What's Now and What's Next
Goals require sacrifice, but if we're sacrificing the peace and joy of living in the present, they may not prove worth it in the end.
Many of the practices that bring contentment only take a few minutes a day or a perspective shift that brings mindfulness to life as it happens. Research shows that when we make time for gratitude and connection, we actually get to goals more quickly because we feel more fulfilled and less stressed.
Gratitude and contentment can also combat another reason you may not feel satisfied reaching a goal — low self-worth.
When I would accomplish something, I used to think, “This is not that big a deal.” I would minimize the accomplishment simply because I was able to do it, leave me looking for what's next.
So now, with my clients and at the end of the day, I practice one reflection that I encourage you to try, too: Celebrate your wins both big and small. At the end of each day, ask yourself: What are you proud of? What did you enjoy? They don’t have to be impressive, just significant to you.
Some of mine have included meal prepping for the week, a kind moment with a stranger, and getting to the gym after weeks of not going. This simple exercise trains your brain to experience satisfaction without needing a finish line.
So yes, it’s normal to achieve and still feel restless. It’s normal to wonder why success doesn’t deliver what it promised.
Perhaps we can all learn to relate to goals differently — not as destinations that will save us, but as markers on the path we're currently walking, because contentment and fulfillment should never be a destination.
They are found in the everyday but sometimes extraordinary moments of life if we are paying attention.
Niro Feliciano is a mom, author and therapist with a master of science in social work. She’s a TODAY show contributor and author of the TODAY.com column “Is This Normal?”
